The Advice I Chose to Challenge - International Women's Day
Sometimes the best advice is to ignore what you’re told. For International Women’s Day, we asked some of our Alo Moves instructors to share a time they chose to challenge what people told them and carve out a new path for themselves instead.
Adrienne Kimberley
“Like most people who identify as female, I’ve been taught to hide the qualities considered ‘feminine’ about myself in order to succeed. Yet, it’s precisely these qualities that make women such effective leaders and change agents. ‘Feminine’ qualities such as vulnerability, compassion, addressing nuance and complexity in times of conflict, and prioritizing relationships is what helps communities — as a whole — thrive. Women have the power to lead with feeling and without force, and learning that inspires my work.”
Roxie Jones
“I was told to say yes all the time at one of my previous jobs. Say yes to whatever is asked of you, and if you say no, you'll probably lose opportunities and no one will take you seriously because you don't want them badly enough. I said yes in the beginning, which ended up compromising my boundaries and my schedule. It felt like I was walked on a lot and the respect wasn't there because I was listening to someone else — they controlled me. I realized that this was more harmful to me than it was to them if I laid down some boundaries. I started to say no or decline when it was appropriate and was able to start prioritizing myself. If I didn't take care of myself first, no one else would! Key takeaways from this lesson was to be firm when it doesn't serve you, know your value, and ask for it when it's appropriate.”
Kirat Randhawa
“I’ve been told a lot to ‘settle down’ and ground myself in a way that is less complicated, and more decisive, traditional, and easily understood. It has taken me a long time to realize that embracing my complexity and my inclination to dive deep into a variety of pursuits is my greatest offering to myself, and thus my greatest offering to those I work with and those I love. Those who have chosen to love me and build a relationship with me have naturally welcomed and celebrated my investigative, high-energy personality — and those who weren’t meant for me in any capacity (whether it be love, friendship, or in my profession) have tried to mold me into something more 'digestible,’ and upon failing to do so, have organically left. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t had to communicate my pursuits and plans to those I love out of support to help them metabolize my decisions, especially when it affects them, but I haven’t had to fundamentally change who I am. If I never challenged the idea that I’m supposed to be packaged in a particular way to be loved, I would’ve never experienced the freedom I have now to be completely and utterly myself and know that just like this, I am worthy of love.”
Jackie Stewart
“When I was pregnant, I received a lot of advice and opinions from people. There were thoughts on everything from how and where to birth to specific parenting styles to follow. While grateful for these insights, I learned that each person had their own past and experience that informed their ideas of how to do things the ‘right way.’ Realizing how different it seemed to be for each person encouraged me to find a way that felt right for me and my family’s dynamic. It pushed me to trust my intuition more deeply and inspired me to question and learn about the possibility of what this unique path of being a mother could look like. I’ve certainly had my bumpy moments, but I’m so glad to have given myself the chance to stretch and grow into this incredible part of my life.”
Tela Anderson
“Number one — going from a dancer to joining the military and driving 18-wheeler tanker trucks.
“I had been an elite gymnast since the age of eight and went on to study dance at some of the best schools in the country. I was able to travel the world at a very young age. At 17, when I was studying at the Alvin Ailey School of Dance, I herniated a disc in my back and was told that dancing again might not be in my future. I took a break from dance to heal and decided that I missed traveling and the discipline of dance and decided to join the military. I was ready for a new challenge and this seemed so foreign to me, and with the life that I had had as a dancer I thought ‘Why not!’
“I was given a long list of jobs available to take, and when I saw tanker truck driver, I instantly knew that’s the job I would take. You see, my grandfather who passed away two months before I was born was a truck driver and I had always been fascinated by stories of him and his trucks. So I did it much to my entire family's dismay. It’s one of the best things I ever did! I absolutely loved my time in the Army hauling jet fuel across the country. I got to serve my country, travel the world, and I learned so many amazing skills that still to this day have helped me. In my company at the time I was one of two women out of 140 male tanker drivers! I loved the look on people’s faces when they would see me behind the wheel of my tanker truck. Priceless.
“In the military, I discovered a love for running and I am an avid runner to this day. I won multiple Battalion fitness awards in the army after failing my very first fitness test because I couldn't run, but the Army taught me discipline and perseverance, which is what I now teach my clients today. The biggest lesson I learned is that I am responsible for me. This life is mine and I can decide how to live it. There is a great saying I love to quote: ‘Your life is your story: Write well, edit often.’
“Number two — as a child, the one thing I loved most was dancing. At the age of 12, I decided I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer. I was told that although I was talented, my body type would not be accepted. Although I love my skin color and my curves now, back then they were not an asset as Black bodies were not at all accepted or represented in the classical ballet world. I didn’t care! Nothing was stopping me from trying. At the age of 14, I was accepted into The University of North Carolina School of the Arts, one of the best performing arts schools in the country. I went on tour with their performance group and two years later, went onto study at the Alvin Ailey School of Dance on the Judith Jamison Scholarship, which was such an honor because I admired Judith Jamison so much. After taking a break from a back injury and serving in the Army, I came back again to study at the school. This was what I called my second dance career. While studying at the school, I was picked to be a part of the company's performance season for two years in a row, so I got to perform at Lincoln Center and the City Center! It was amazing. I danced for amazing choreographers such as Nathan Trice and Dawana Coleman...and I have worked and choreographed for prestigious universities and colleges such as New York University, Moravian College, and Lafayette College.
“I'm so glad I didn’t listen to some of my teachers who said I couldn’t do it. I didn’t care that nobody thought I could do it. I did it anyway. Today, Black bodies are becoming more and more accepted and it’s such a beautiful thing. Even simple things like tights and pointe shoes, the color of my skin, which I could only dream of back then, are now common. I love it so much and I think that me and people like me pushing boundaries and being seen had a big part in paving the way for more people of color in dance.
“Number three — my marriage. I was stuck in an unhappy marriage for many years and I stayed because everyone told me that I could not make it as a single mother. I did it anyway; I left taking nothing with me except for my children and I never looked back. Life has never been better. After seven years of no love and no laughter, I am now the happiest I’ve ever been! My children are happy. We have a new life where we can laugh all the time! I find joy and peace in all the little things and my home is once again my happy place! Best decision of my life was to do what they said I couldn’t do.
“Although I’m about to leave the title of single mother behind as I have a fiancé, I can say I did it and I did it well. It wasn’t easy at all but it was so worth it.”
Feeling inspired to take on your own challenge? Practice movement and meditation with these instructors on Alo Moves. Try 14 days free today.